Love Isn't Everything

When you've loved and lost, it makes you more unwilling to open yourself to the possibility of ever finding love again. After going through that kind of pain and frustration, it makes you less trustful of possible relationships.

For me I know that I keep thinking, "If I date this person, what're the chances that I'll fall in love with him?" However, the bigger question on my mind is, "If I fall in love with him, how badly will this hurt me later?"

I've loved and lost 3 times so far. It makes me wary of the next time, if there even is a next time. I've become less and less attracted to the idea of finding love. I know a lot of people believe that there is only one person out there for him or her, girls especially, but what I believe is there are several people out there that could potentially be someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with.

I know some people will automatically think, "Oh, she's not a Christian because the Bible says that God created only one person who's perfect for me, and she doesn't believe that." I'm not trying to tell you that your Religion is right or wrong. To be honest, I've grown up my entire life in a very Christian based family. This is just my opinion because of what I've experienced in life. I'm not trying to say that what I believe is better. I'm just expressing myself, and I hope no one takes offense to this.

Anyway, I've met three guys in my life who could've been "the one." I even believed wholeheartedly that one of them really was, and I think that's why I was so crushed when he broke up with me. After losing my first love, I began to question whether I'd ever find love again. Turns out that I fell in love two more times after him, but with the same results. Because of the hurt and anguish I went through so many times, I've found it hard to trust any guy now.

Every time I meet a guy whom I'm attracted to, my subconscious makes me stop and think about my past, of the pain men have put me through, and of how vulnerable I become when I'm in a relationship. I automatically mistrust this innocent guy who's done nothing so far to deserve this mistrust. Does this make me a terrible person?

I'm trying to keep the past in the past, but sometimes it's just hard to forget. I've forgiven, and I've moved on from my past loves, but I can never forget everything that happened.

But I think that's what makes me so strong today. Because of the pain I've gone through, and because I know what it's like to be in love, it makes me that much stronger to stand on my own right now. Eventually, I would like to be married, but right now, I'm content with where I am in life. I know what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I believe that there's still hope for me - and for anyone who's gone through same thing - to find that special someone.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this:

Don't give up on finding someone to be with. Loving and losing don't define your future happiness. Learn from what happened, and pick yourself back up to go on living. It may seem like the end of the world when you lose someone you were in love with, but it really isn't. Being in love and having that person in your life only makes up part of your life; it's not everything you have to live for. Remember that you have other people in your life that love you for you. Remember that you determine your own happiness.

If anyone has comments or thoughts on this post, please don't be shy. Thank you!